Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day today.  I wish I could give my Mommy a gift today, but I will be sending her a package soon with some old family photos and a surprise!  Myself.. I received a bleeding heart plant, solar lights, a gift card and flowers and a cake! 
I was feeling pretty depressed and sorry for myself yesterday.  I didn't go to the Mother's Day tea at church because I just didn't feel like sitting around and smiling and trying to be happy.  I will go to church today and be happy there.  Maybe during the sermon we can get the bigger kids outside to start the garden.  I will see who is in charge of the class today and ask them.  Or we can do it after during fellowship.  Need to get those seeds in the ground soon! 
I am having a hard time dealing with being bald.  I am having a hard time dealing with only having one breast.  I feel very self conscious.  I try to project a positive appearance on the outside but inside I'm cringing.  Not that I'm a supermodel to begin with but I don't want people to look at me and feel sorry for me.  I have been getting the pity smile occasionally in public.  I just smile back and go on my way.  No one asks questions.  I just had one lady approach me out of the blue and tell me to stop by her spa and get some cooling gel for when I start chemo!  I haven't worn my wig.  I feel like that will make me stand out even more.  It is too tight anyhow.  I am supposed to go to look good feel good at the Cancer center on Monday and I will take it with me and see if they can fix it.  I'm hoping to get a prosthesis soon too.  Waiting for insurance approval.  Those light weight puffs don't cut it.  I look lopsided!  Maybe I can put a rock in it!  LOL  Anyhow I am trying to enjoy spring and my birds and the sunshine.  Blessings to all!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Been a little lax in journaling here!

I guess I have been slacking off with the updates on my treatment.  I had my second chemo on 4/29.  I didn't get as sick this time because I was given Emend by my Dr. to take right before and the following two days.  The only problem I had was feeling like I had eaten a huge turkey dinner when I only had a sandwich.  At least I could eat.  Then came the pain after the Nuelasta shot.  Horrible back pain.  For days.  Like being squeezed in an vise grip for hours on end.  Even my guts felt squished.  My hair started falling out the day after Easter.  I cut it off and then got a crew cut.  A day later I just buzzed if right off.  I still have some stubble left but I'm learning to deal with bald.  
I am enjoying the arrival of spring.  Some days are colder than others but I felt it safe enough to go ahead and plant the lettuce and broccoli.  I have to get some cabbage still.  I did get a six pack but left it over at the church for the garden there.  

More chemo on Wednesday.  I'm not looking forward to it.  I want it to be over!  I have six more treatments.  SIX.  Then radiation.  I got another cold this time around.  I'm sick of being sick..  First picture is me with my wig on that I probably won't wear!